MR. HACK No. 103

 

 
This is quite a historic picture, in its own way. It comes to us from our most learned friend and colleague, Cal MCrystal and, indeed, features him ont he extreme right photographed in his office in the Sunday Times Foreign Dept. Beside him is someone we have been reading a lot about recently and, depending on your point of view, he is either, A, a saviour of the British Press, or B, whatever the opposite of that might be. With them in the picture is the former editor of the Sunday Times Harold Evans. "Note the faintly idiotic/uneasy grimace on my face as I begin to dance to a new tune," Cal tells us. "It has remained ever since, but not yet to cause me to be arrested or sectioned." *We are not sure about the man attemptiong to make an escape through the office roof.

Comments

[Graham]

Belfast Telegraph's obituary of Jimmy Kelly:

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/journalist-kelly-dies-aged-100-16035395.html

[Chairman]

Jimmy Kelly was one of the greatest journalists the city has produced. He recorded with a pithy eye and sharp prose several of the most eventful eras in our history. Back in the 1960s I bought the Sunday Independent every week just to read his column. A mighty man.

[Graham]

The "i" newspaper from the "Independent" stable now offering a year's subscription for £45, including Saturday paper. That's just over 14p a copy!

[Graham]

The newspaper devotes almost all its front page to a photograph of him at his desk. Inside there are 11 pages about him. There are 20 more photographs. There are 10 articles about him, written by people including a tv presenter, a historian and an editor. There is also a large 10" x 8" cartoon, spread over two pages. And there is an editorial.

What a send-off the "Irish News" has given to its columnist Jimmy Kelly, dead at 100. I'm sure there's never been anything like it by any newspaper for any journalist.

The News Letter gives a few pars in half a single column.

[Graham]

BELFAST TELEGRAPH OBITUARY FOR JIMMY KELLY
by Alf McCreary

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/obituary-james-kelly-16035600.html

[mr hack jnr]

....breaking news....Rory McIlroy gets treatment for sore wrist..some fans say he should not have broken with girl friend...breaking news...thieves loot London wig shop...police are combing the area...

[Chairman]

Ronnie Barker Lives.

[President]

Jimmy Kelly's funeral will be on Monday August 15 at 1pm at St Brigid's, Derryvolgie Avenue, Belfast.

[Mr Hack jnr]

....breaking news....police raid British Museum: "full of looted gear" says spokesman...

[Chairman]

If you are feeling old now, wait till you hear this. The guy who designed the first personal computers says they are obsolete. The future lies in a portable device not much bigger than a packet of Swan Vesta matches. It is millions of times more powerful and is millions of times smarter than the old PC. It seems like only yesterday the guy who told me to throw away the old typewriter was telling me the PC was the future. Apparently the future doesn't last as long as it used to. I know some of you, like me, have an old portable typewriter up in the attic gathering dust. Don't think I'll feel quite as sentimental about my soon to be obsolete computer. Although I was hoping it would do me my day.

[Chairman]

I know we are out of the game now and perhaps shouldn't comment on those still digging at the coalface, but were any of you as disturbed as I was at the new president of the NUJ, Donnacha DeLong's description of the volunteers who came out to sweep the streets of Clapham Junction after the riots as "Scum"? Apparently citizens (of whatever class) coming out to help their own community, is seen as a form of Facism by the hard left. I am not so naive as to pretend that we haven't had a few NUJ officals nostalgic for Joe Stalin, down the years, but wonder at Mr. DeLong's bizarre notion of how to of attract public support for a hard pressed profession in its battle against redundancies. But maybe that's just me.

[Cal McCrystal]

I've been away and missed many reports on the rioting and looting in England. But if what our Chairman says is true, then surely there's no room in the NUJ (or, for that matter, journalism) for anyone uttering what Mr DeLong allegedly uttered. Can anyone refer me to where the words attributed to him were published?

[Graham]

Don't you just hate it when a journalist describes something as "the first" or "the worst" or "the tallest" Unfortunately, what many of today's breed really mean is that it's the worst/first/tallest/whatever that they have heard of in their own (often young)life. You need to be really 110% absolutely sure before you make such claims.

This occured to me as I read the website Hold the Front Page which contains a good example of this recklessness.

It reports that a journalist on the weekly Croydon Advertiser has described "the darkest day in Croydon's history." This is about a riot there and how he got attacked.
Surely, bad things must have happened in Croydon before? What about the war, for instance,I thought.

On a whim, I googled "Croydon" and "blitz". Sure enough, the Germans had a go at Croydon. They bombed a factory working the nightshift. There were "many casualties".

Also the Croydon Advertiser has put out what the website describes a special "souvenir" edition.

[Chairman]

Cal, The outburst was reported in a column in the Sunday Times yesterday. Can't remember the columnist's name but apparently it came from twitters between the NUM president and someone equally deluded. When challenged by the paper about it, he backtracked a little but not enough. I'll check the paper bin and see if I can find yesterday's ST as soon as the rain stops.

[Chairman]

There was a huge crowd at the funeral service for newspaperman, James Kelly, today at St. Brigid's Church, Derryvolgie Avenue, Belfast. From where I sat at the back I had a limited view of the many journalists attending. But I did spot Paul Clarke, Charles Fitzgerald and Jim McDowell. Jimmy Kelly's 'younger' brother, Father Christopher Kelly paid a touching tribute to Jimmy. Father Kelly recalled that when he was a boy, and his brother already an established newspaperman, Jimmy would pay him a few shillings to go to dog shows for him and get the results. "Jim hated Dog Shows," he said. He also recalled picking up Jim's copy and getting it on the train to Dublin for the next day's paper. This was long before the super information highway. However not everyone who attended the service had met James Kelly. I was lucky enough to be seated next to a remarkable lady, a retired schoolteacher, Rose Hunter, who had read his column down the years and felt she had to attend the Mass to say goodbye to someone she felt she knew through his writing. She loved his wry humour and the fact that he wrote "without malice." The lady had no time for malicious journalism. I think James would have liked that little tribute from Rose Hunter every bit as much as the eulogies he has received from his fellow journalists. Perhaps more.

[Chairman]

Correction regarding NUJ president. It may have been a columnist in Saturday's Daily Telegraph. It is still raining so I'll get to the paper bin when I can.

[Simpson]

Sorry, its me again. It WAS Saturday's Daily Telegraph. The columnist was Damian Thompson and the story appeared on page 24, under the headline "Drop the brooms you capitalist scum." The comments were on Facebook and involved an exchange between Mr.DeLong and someone called Al Mikey. Sorry if my shaky memory caused you any inconvenience. I am going to have to learn to keep the copy beside me whenever I have a small rant about a news item. Can't trust my memory from here to the door. However, while I am not into twittering and facebooking, it does appear to have the merit of portraying nasty folk in their true colours when they twitter in haste and squirm at leisure.

[Chairman]

I was hoping some of those Copyboys who attended James Kelly's funeral service yesterday would have blogged the names of some of the other people who attended. Ran into my old friend John Kane this morning and he tells me that Robin Walsh, Roy Lilley and Donal O'Donnell were among the mourners. Any other names forthcoming....?

[Cal McCrystal]

I suggest that anyone interested in a "clarification" of the above reference to the NUJ president's controversial utterance may seek further enlightenment at Donnacha De Long's website where he says he did not mean that post-riot cleaners were "scum", but only the Übermenschen who approved of what the cleaning teams were doing. At least that's my interpretation of his blog.

[Chairman]

Never been called an Ubermenschen before. Haven't an idea what it means but it sounds serious. Is it some kind of ailment I can claim for? And will it invalidate my NUJ Life Membership? But it is a cracker of a word. I'll give you that, Sunshine.

[Cal McCrystal]

Dear Mr Presidentt, I wasn't calling you an Übermensch (German for superman or upper-class prick). In his blog denying describing the moppers-up as "scum", De Long says he was actually referring to those who regard themselves as of a higher station. I recommend that to read it, Moonshine.

[A.McQ.]

He appears to have all the qualifications required to be an Ubermensch himself.

[Simpson]

Superman? Upper Class Prick? No one has ever called me super or upper class before. A prick, yes. I appear to have been promoted. Is it too late to send Mr. De Long a "Thank You" note?

[Cal McCrystal]

Calm down!

[Graham]

"THINK AGAIN" - Editors tell police about demand for riot footage.

Editors from seven main N Ireland journalism outlets have asked PSNI Chief Constable Matt Baggot to think again about the police demand for footage and pictures of recent riots

It's been revealed that the police had 70 hours of footage of their own that hadn't been looked at when they obtained a court order for tv and newspaper pictures.

The editors say the court order to hand over the material, including stuff not used, puts journalists at risk and should be a "last resort".

The 7 news organisations making the protest are BBC, UTV, Sky News, PA, Belfast Telegraph, News Letter, Irish News.

More here:
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/psni-demand-for-riot-footage-could-put-journalists-at-risk-16037940.html

[Chris Ryder]

I think there might be grave and exceptional cases where it is justified handing over untransmitted or unpublished material to help solve a very serious offence but not as a matter of routine. The very public abduction and murder of two soldiers in Andersonstown some years ago was such a case.

However the police have all manner of sophisticated evidence gathering techniques and technology at their disposal and could well field more of their own video or photographic teams on the ground. Undercover teams have anyway been doing that covertly since well before the troubles even started.

Journalists and photographers are not an extension of the law enforcement arms of the state and should not be treated as such.

If the Policing Board was not such a bunch of compliant poodles they would be on top of this issue. The Editors should copy them in on their representations to the Chief Constable and force them to look at it too.

[Blogmaster]

Just back tonight after a pleasant family break in England and I have to bring some sad news ... Our dear friend and colleague Betty Lowry has suffered a bereavement: her younger sister, Kay Lowry, has died. It was not unexpected as she has been in nuring care for quite a while, but still the loss is very sad for Betty and we send her our deepest condolencences. The funderal is next Monday at St. Colomba's Church, Ballyholme, Bangor, at 11am.

[Blogmaster]

Further to the discussion about journalists and riots, the following article appeared in the i newspaper by Media columnist Ian Burrell ... interesting read.

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/ian-burrell-all-journalists-are-at-risk-of-being-tarnished-by-this-affair-2311638.html

[Graham]

"PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ A DAILY PAPER"

For many decades, North Lincolnshire has had a daily newspaper in the Scunthorpe Evening Telegraph. Today, it went weekly.

The editor said: “The move to a weekly publication is a reflection of the changes in our readers’ lives. People do not have time to read the newspaper every day"

Well, that's a new reason for closing a daily paper - one of three dailies in England that the owners, the Daily Mail people, have "converted".

(The one in Torquay has a circulation of 21,000 daily - just a little short of our own News Letter's sale)

So nothing to do with cost-cutting then?

[Chairman]

Perhaps it is my suspicious mind but doesn't it seem odd that all these streetsmart looters rarely bothered to conceal their faces from the security cameras. And that some appear to have dropped documents, such as their bail papers, with their name and addresses on. Is it possible that some of these chaps wanted to be caught and sent back to jail to get off the dangerous streets and away from the armed pistoleros who appear to control them. For some jail may be an accommodation upgrade. A nice dry cell with TV on tap and food and clothing provided might seem like the lesser of two evils. A welcome sanctuary from a cruel and complicated world.

[Blogmaster]

Another newspaper bites the dush ... the Irish Post is no more. Roy Greenslade writes about the closure here ...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade/2011/aug/19/newspapers-downturn

[Chairman]

Some of you may have observed a slight shift to the right today. This has nothing to do with the Tea Party crowd in America. It is a technical necessity due to the fact that having it on the left was somehow interfering with some blogger's ability to get on to Copyboys. Don't ask me for a technical explanation why this is so, but it is and the change has made it easier for some of our contributors to log on. If I understood it I would tell you but since I'm still trying to get the hang of a DVD player I've had since Christmas, you will realise that I am the wrong person to ask. As one who still thinks of the gramophone as magic or the work of the devil, you will know why I simply accept that many things in this world can work very well without me having to understand them. Be grateful somebody does.

[President]

MY APOLOGIES

I would apologise to any of our members who find the altered layout of this page disconcerting. I was unaware that it was taking place. With the glaring white column to the right, I find it quite difficult to concentrate to write. I made many typos when writing this. I hope I have now corrected them all.

Our eyes, in our Western culture, automatically move from left to right when reading, starting at the top left of a page. That was why the index was placed in the left hand column. The idea was that members logging on would first go to the index there (top left) They would then click on the name of the most recent contributor. That would take them automatically the most recent contributor’s contribution. Immediately underneath would be the blank square for your own contribution.

Or you might want to spool down the index to select a category other than “Mr Hack” such as “Television Talk”. Or look at the pictures albums. All this was carefully designed at the outset. However, the way the page has now been re-configured means you have to think: = right first, to the index, click, then left to the body of the site. Then, having got there, if you later want to go somewhere else, you again have to think = go right now, click, then back to left when you find the section you want. Personally, I have difficulty getting my head around this

On inquiry, I find that this has been done to speed up access to the site. Perhaps I don’t lead as busy a life as some, but I never minded waiting a few seconds. On inquiry, I’m told that the “widget” at the bottom of the left-hand index was causing the delay. The removal of this could have solved the problem. As for the off-putting glaring white column now introduced on the right, no reason has been given for this except that the previous tint – designed to soften the glare and save your eyes – but thought to be “dull”

A few years ago I introduced a system where the most recent comment by a member came FIRST when you got to Mr Hack. That was done after some consultation. However, it was then found that other members, a majority, preferred the most recent comment to come LAST, so that they could read what earlier comment was being reacted to. And so it was put back the way it was. And has remained ever since.

I think consultation and consensus is important if the site is to be as user-friendly as possible.

[Cal McCrystal]

I'm greatly relieved by our new design. For the past month or so it had taken 55 seconds to get linked with this blog. Now it's instantaneous. And I don't find the new design a bit off-putting. Thank you, Blogmaster.

[A.McQ.]

Agree with Cal - much speedier now and nearly as quick as the exit by The Best Chairman We Ever Had when it comes to his round. Pip. Pip.

[Chris Ryder]

Bit puzzled when logged on just now but see what you mean. On another footing of joining the technology revolution I became the owner of an iPad a week ago. As a result have stopped buying the Times every day and read it on the new device instead. Thought I would miss the newsprint but not at all. Totally hooked and, for now anyway, cheaper. Now going to sign up for other papers I read. Just bread and milk from the newsagent in future. Pity. But that's progress in this cruel world.

[ruthie]

Amazing news feature and pix last week in the Irish Daily Mail. The upturned racing yacht off Fastnet and the Baltimore rescue in Cork.
Super front page and excellent reporting.
Just like it should be. Rare to find such a good news story and up close pix from a sea story lead. Glad it had a happy ending. This is one paper I am filing away.
Haven't had time to read papers in past month but have piled up my 'I' papers and caught up today.
Congrats to Kathy Jensen and her sister Emma Cowan who launched their new foodie magazine, Flavour this month.
No recession in the food industry. Good to see two journos going solo.

[Chairman]

Ocassionally I have a lino lifting moment. You know, when you find the old newspapers underneath and sit for ages facinated by old news. Sometimes, when I flick back to some of our earlier entries in old Mr. Hacks or the contributions to the Film sections of a few years back, I'm finding that the contributions then had more of a smile on their face. A joy to read and probably a joy to write by those who contributed. I think sometimes we lose a little of the joy of the nostalgia of our lives in our constant bitching about the state of today's papers. Remember, there is more to us than just being journalists. We were kids first, stroppy adolecents and finally grown ups with many interests beyond our jobs. Lets hear more about your thoughts, hobbies, humorous anecdotes. We don't want to be just a bunch of grumpy old men and women. Or maybe that's just me.

[sm]

Hear...hear! Let's lighten up a bit. The state of newspapers in the world today might concern some of us. Personally, I don't give a damn. I enjoyed the job when I was in it - but there are more important things to occupy my time now. I'm sure some will disagree - but there's a great life for us oldies and it doesn't involve watching news bulletins all day!

[A.McQ]

Quite right, Stewart. Not so long ago I would have been chomping at the bit, foaming at the mouth, threatening to kill to get to Libya. Today I couldn't give a tuppenny toss. I can't even be bothered to watch it or read about it. I was in my Gentlemens' Club this evening quaffing a few gentle refreshments and Libya wasn't even mentioned. Neither was golf. After a while my bride came to join me and we wandered off into the sunset for a selection of tapas - with a glass or two, of course, and home sweet home. Let the kids get on with covering the big stories because these are The Good Old Days for them. We've had our glory and our bylines, our datelines and our splashes...and our exes!

[sm]

Libya? Is something happening in Libya?

[Chairman]

I hope none of you ever has to look up a number in the new regional phone books arriving on our doorsteps. Judging by the size of the newsprint (which is so tiny they must have had to split the atom four ways just to make the typeface) it is obviously BTs intention to discourage anyone from ever using a land line again. With tiny black type on a grey background, only a fighter pilot could read, you'd need a powerful magnifying glass to find a name. Perhaps it has something to do with EEC privacy laws to protect the identity of anyone who owns a phone. Their secret is safe with me.

[Derek Black]

So gripes that aren't about the current state of the press are permissable, Mr Chairman? I cannot understand why they bother to print phone books any more. They were a great source before Google came along. When I need a number, I just go to Yell.com and get it in seconds. Only works for businesses though which is okay as I have all my friends numbers now anyway. I also find it hard to believe than anyone pays those 118118 guys for numbers they can get for free..

[Cal McCrystal]

I see that the latest Murdoch employee to be sacked in the US is Glenn Becks, staunch fan of the Wee Farty movement and owning a voice like a faecal yodel. However he's still capable of stirring up trouble.

The Becks Hex

An impudent oaf named Glenn Becks
With no mental muscle to flex
Sought daily some Left ears to box
With Right-hooks from sick Channel Fox.

Good-hearted people he’d vex,
(Though sometimes merely perplex);
On all citizens unorthodox
He’d wish an incurable pox.

Glenn cashed the Rupertian cheques
Paid out by this Murdoch annex,
And cried in his vacuous vox:
“It pays well to mimic an ox!”

On screen his foam flew in flecks
From a mouth like an anal cortex,
Scaring viewers throughout the boondocks -
Even those folks in love with John Knox.

One good thing about Mister Becks,
Whose likes are not googolplex,*
Is the fact that his mad Gogglebox
Was too much even for Fox.

*large number

[Michael]

Anyone else consider BBC-NI to be obsessed with funerals, sometimes even leading with them? We're often treated to a chunk of a priest's homily as well.

Searches for bodies arouse similar excitement with frantically hand-flapping live reports from the middle of nowhere, often for several days running.

Have news values changed that much?

[Cal McCrystal]

I don't know about BBC-NI, Michael, but I have noticed that hand-flapping has got more ludicrous recently - much worse than when Andrew Marr invented it as Beeb political editor. Are these people trained to flap? Or is it a cultivated habit, not dissimilar from the awful public habit of rushing to a scene of tragedy with flowers in the hope of being filmed by TV and asked that dreadful question: "How do you feel?" One is left with the impression that news has become shallow in focus and content nowadays, and one longs for the time when erudite, straightforward, unembellished people like our own John Cole were informing us of important news developments and when our own Frank Green was giving us weather forecasts without choreography.

[Kevin]

The latest ABC report will make difficult reading at the Belfast Telegraph. Its official circulation figure is 59,319, but this includes free and discounted copies. The actual paid-for sale is down to 47,112, a drop of 14.8 pc on the same period last year.

[Michael]

Yes indeed, Cal. Why do we need four people to do one story anyway? "[Something] has taken place. Over to Joe Bloggs for his report. "Yes, something has happened. Here's our ???? correspondent Blogg Joseph" ... etc etc. I thought the Beeb was trying to cut its wages bill?

Another pet hate is the live report. A favourite here is the report from outside Belfast courthouse, the traffic drowning what is being said. An added annoyance are the nitwits who blast their horns when they pass the camera, or cavort on the pavement behind the reporter.

We've concluded that most of these reports are there because they can be done. Give us a straight report from a newsreader any day, with relevant clips when necessary and available.

[Chris Ryder]

Apart from reporters flapping and gesticulating in front of the camera I fail to see the point of reporters in SAS style kit crouching down as bullets whistle by them. All this really reveals is the intrepid qualities of the correspondent and all too often unsung camera operator. It tells us very little about the conflict they are supposedly covering. Lot to be said for basic analysis presented without the showbiz histrionics. But this must not preclude the capturing of telling images to portray the scale and nature of conflict as well as eyewitness interviews. Going into harm's way just for false drama foolhardy. But not true reporting.

[JC]

I find I am impressed with the bravery of the correspondents at the front. Last night I watched nervously as a reporter and his camera 'crew' (or man) ran under a hail of gunfire to a safer position where he sat himself down and finished telling his story which was that fighting was continuing in the part of Tripoli he was in. The soundtrack told the story for him, mind you.

[Ian Sanderson]

In response to a sugestion by the Chairman a week or so ago, that, instead of constant bitching about the state of today's papers, we should maybe contribute bits and pieces about our thoughts, hobbies and interesting anecdotes, I came across an obit that quite took my fancy. (Might register with one or two Copyboys...)
The subject was a test pilot who strutted his stuff many, many decades ago.
It was May 28, 1954, and Major Arthur Murray would wrestle for the next 15 terrifying seconds with a rocket plane racing at more than 2240km/h and spinning wildly, supersonically out of control.
In the turmoil, he would fly higher than any human had ever been, 90,440 feet above land.
"I began to feel weightless, and I'm flying so fast my instruments can't keep up - they show what happened 2 miles ago. I'm climbing so steeply I can't see the ground, and I feel confused. I have a sense of falling and I want to grab something for support."
Finally, Murray's aircraft, a Bell X-1A, sank back into heavier air, and he had time to look at the dark blue sky and dazzling sunlight. He had become the first human to see the curvature of the Earth. At the time, he was called America's first space pilot.
(Love this bit) - The last thing his wife told him before he left for the edge of outer space that morning was to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home.
He remembered...
Such was the death-defying yet ordinariness of those pioneering days of test pilots paving the way for space travel.
Murray, known as Kit, who has died in a nursing home in the town of West in Texas, aged 92, had his ashes scattered over the Mojave Desert, where some of his fellow test pilots crashed and died. Tom Wolfe marvelled at the test pilots of Edwards Air Force Base in his 1979 book The Right Stuff, exclaiming, ''My God - to be part of Edwards in the late '40s and early '50s!'' Wolfe wrote of how an aircraft at supersonic speed and high altitude could ''skid into a flat spin like a cereal bowl on a Formica counter''. That left a pilot only one question, he added: ''What do I do next?''

(Finally we come to the conventional concluding pars about "He was survived by etc etc....
Cop this) - His first marriage, to Elizabeth Strelic, ended in divorce. He is survived by his wife of 41 years, Ann, five sons, a daughter, three stepdaughters, 16 grandchildren, 13 great-grandchildren, three step-grandchildren, and a step-great-grandchild.

Never mind remembering all the birthdays... what about the Christmas pressies...!!

Sorry if this is a trifle lengthy... you can always fast forward...

[Chairman]

Great stuff Ian. The Right Stuff is one of my favourite books. And yes, we'd like contributors to write down their musings and amusings and things that facinate them. The late Stanley Aicken's best memories were not of sitting in a courtroom taking notes but of walking around Scrabo Tower with his faithful dog. I can understand that. Walking the dog is when I do my best thinking. I hope more of you will follow Ian.

[chairman]

Sadly just caught the last couple of minutes of a TV show on great gadgets of history where the old manual typewriter was the hero of the moment. Even the former Express editor, Eve Pollard, was nostalgic for the clatter of typewriters in a tobacco stained office where everyone had to shout to be heard. She finds the silence in the modern newspaper office eerie. As do we all. Sorry I missed it. Don't know the name of the show but Stephen Fry was in it, although that hardly narrows it down much.

[Smyth]

Newspapers in those days knew their priorities. In my experience, in both weeklies and dailies, reporters used (pounded?) battered old Underwoods, which clattered loudly, while the secretaries had gleaming, silent electric typewriters. In Toronto we never chained them (the typewriters, not the secretaries), but if I recall (and Alastair can correct me) in the Mirror the machines were indeed chained. Maybe to prevent a reporter from throwing one at a news editor.

[sm]

'Twas said that Cowan Watson once threw a typewriter through a window in the Tele in a fit of pique or something before going to the NL. A myth? Any ex-BT members know? Or indeed, did any passers-by on the street get a sudden headache?

[A.McQ.]

The typewriters in the Mirror reporters' room were chained to stop them being nicked. Sometimes the state we were in after a decent lunch precluded us from lifting them let alone throwing them!!!! It is alleged that either Uel Young or Major McMichael did actually throw one at a certain news editor in the BT office. I suspect Our Much-Revered President was still on the staff at the time as was The Best Chairman We Ever Had, although the latter may well have been having a snooze at the time. Michael McRitchie would have been as well so perhaps they could enlighten us.

[Cal McCrystal]

In my day, of course, we didn’t have typewriters. We had pigeons and cleft sticks. The pigeon cages were indoors with an opening to the outside world. We could hear them cooing and muttering and flapping their wings excitedly when one of their flock flew in from abroad with the latest news stuck to its leg. This cacophony never failed to alert us that a scoop had arrived. We would quickly get out the papyrus (specially imported from Alexandria on cleft sticks) and transcribe the latest pigeon-post. Our circulation was enhanced by lines of coke, known to this very day as “bylines”. It was all very modern in those days, and a great relief not to have to chip news and graven images onto limestone tablets.

[JC]

I can't remember that typewriters were prized at the Belfast Telegraph ... desks, on the other hand did carry a value for some members of staff. I recall we found ourselves sitting at new desks, clean and fairly modern and one of the sub editors so liked what he had been given that he carved his name on it, maybe to save himself from being moved to duty at the Finace Desk. Whatever, this event was noticed by one James Gray who visibly stumbled as he walked through the main Editorial. He made a second pass to check that his eyesight had seen this desecration. That confirmed, he made his way to the Editor's office to report his findings. As I remember it, no one got the sack and I can't remember either if the desk was removed for repair. Some others may be able to fill in the missing details ...

[ruthie]

Typewriters, you were all lucky. When I started in the Ulster Gazette we were made to write our reports by hand. That was 1981, I thought they were all cuckoo.
I couldn't even read my own hand writing, and was more than surprised to read the eventual stories.

[Blogmaster]

All change at the Belfast Telegraph (again) ... the Editorial staff are now all together as one big happy family BACK in the OLD Editorial Dept. So News, Sport and Features are all within spitting distance of each other. Joining them but on another floor ... none other than Jim McDowell and his Sunday World team. That will save the company money not having to have a separate office off Lower Donegal Street. Sadly, as we have already reported, sales of the Belfast Telegraph are not rising and the am edition is apparently in very lowly single figures.

[JC]

Can't guarantee its authenticity, but I thought this made a good Quote of the Week:

"Were it not for electricity, we
would have to watch television in
the dark"
~ Col. Muammar Gaddafi

[Michael]

Not sure whether Alistair means I was on the staff at the time, or may well have been having a snooze at the time. Both apply.

Cowan Watson did throw a typewriter through the window in Freddie Gamble's door. This may be the occasion when the most junior employee was tasked with taking him home, after 50 yrs I can't remember exactly.

Something he had for lunch had fired him up somewhat. With some apprehension I went to the source of the angry rumbling which could be heard in the corridor but Cowan came out like a very large lamb. The seniors, even the Major, looked relieved as I got him out of the way and down to the car.

Next day JES actually smiled at me in the corridor instead of his usual frown; I was puzzled because he couldn't have known about the incident, could he?

Typewriters: I kept a chain on my fine Olivetti for my last few years and when I released it on my departure in 1968 Billy Simpson couldn't wait to grab it. In fairness he put it to far better use than I ...

[Chairman]

Don't think I ever got that Olivetti Mike. Took a pick against it after forgetting about the chain and wrenching my shoulder trying to move it. My favourite typewriter at the Telegraph was a battered old Underwood which had slightly bigger type than the more modern machines. The one thing I do remember scavaging from a departing reporter was Uel Young's classic desk. The 'newer' desk I worked from was a composite of sawdust and plastic masquerading as wood. It only had two drawers down the right hand side. Uel's desk was an ancient and more distinguished piece of furniture made of real wood and with four drawers down each side. The only drawback was clearing it out. Uel appeared to use that old desk as a repository for old beer bottles and forgotten sandwitches that had metamorphed into penicillin. Just touching that stuff could cure your acne. But that old desk served me well for many years. The typewriters less so. None of the Telegraph typewriters I used could spell worth a damn.

[A.McQ.]

The same gremlin appears to be affecting your computer as well, Mr Chairman...or could it be the Wincarnis cocktail after luncheon?

[Simpson]

I shall speak to the technicians and ask if we can get a spell checker on this channel.

[Cal McCrystal]

QUESTION: Since sport is supposed to be a pastime, or pleasant recreation, to relieve us of the burdens of work study and other daily tensions, why do those engaged in sport howl, bark and snarl like feral creatures? I ask because not far from where I live in an otherwise agreeable neighbourhood there is a pretty park with a football field attached. On Sundays teams from beyond the neighbourhood play football there, often watched by parents and siblings. I try not to walk my dog during football hours, but when I do the ferocity of the animal noises is dismaying. The “f-word” commonly punctuates the hysteria. Most local people avoid their own green sward at those times. This morning I deliberately stood for a while in the “sports” field to see what the awful snarling and gnashing of teeth were about. It was a bit like being in a ward for mentally sick patients. Red-faced fathers cursing their lungs out. Red-faced mothers screaming as if about to give birth. Their children as in a first encounter with the devil. I used to enjoy the odd game as a teenager, but it never was like this. Today soccer is sicker, and I’m no sucker for sicker soccer. Of course, I’m seeing these events through septuagenarian eyes, but I try to make allowances for that. What do other Copyboys think?

[Simpson]

The late, lamented Ted Oliver once told me that when he was living in England he had to accompany his infant son, who was on the primary school rugby team, to a match against a neighbouring school. His son's team were the usual mix of little kids but when the bus carrying the opposing team arrived their coach had them bounce off the bus screaming slogans like WIN WIN WIN and KILL KILL KILL. A tough looking bunch of little terrors. But what shook him (and Ted was a rugby player in his youth) was the parents of these ferocious youngsters. Screaming insults at the ref and encouraging their offspring with bloodcurdling advice. Ted said that when one of these kids got a bad kick in the shin, he fell to the ground and appeared on the brink of tears, his father screamed at him "Get up Peter. It's only PAIN." I suspect today that child is either in deep therapy or the SAS.

[A.McQ.]

It was one of the happiest days of my life when my son turned his back on soccer to concentrate on his cricket. He became a junior county player at 14 and played right up to county 2nd XI level before quitting to concentrate of getting a degree. He travelled the country playing and his name is still up on the honours board alongside those of England players such as Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara. Cricket is an extremely tough game both mentally and physically at a high level and, yes, there is sledging - but none of the outpourings of pure filth you see and hear at soccer grounds. What Cal has posted brings back vivid memories to me of the time my boy played soccer where I witnessed - week after dreaded week - the obscenity of the soccer wannabee. I used to watch our local club until a few years ago, but gave that up as well because of the appalling behaviour of the so-called supporters. And at a cricket match you can still nurse a gentle pot or several of decent ale while watching the proceedings in civilised company.

[Smyth]

``Howling,'' ``snarling'' ''feral creatures.'' Yes, it's all too familiar, but here (in Canada) it's at the ice rink. Summer soccer here is relatively tame, but beware those winter Sunday mornings at 6:30 when the 5-, 6-, 7-year old hockey players take to the ice, and the dads and mums go ballistic. My neighbour, an Anglican priest no less, was one of the worst offenders. I tried once telling him it's only a game but he glared at me as if I was mad. (I'm not kidding about the 6:30 thing: rink time has to be rationed and the teens and adults get the day and night time slots. I still shiver at the thought of getting up and out at 5:30 when it's 20 below. Now I'll be starting it again this winter with my grandson.)